A Mark
by Willowfly
Summary: On the dawn of a new dark age, Michelangelo vows he'll never give up hope. But within the war-torn husk of a once great city, hope is a dangerous thing. The second installment of my pre-SAINW four part series. Two-shot.
1. Part I: Secondhand Wings

II: A Mark

BY Willowfly

_A/N: Here's the second installment of my SAINW oneshot set… which actually turned out to be a beast of a two-shot, based on length. Both sections are told from Mikey's POV. Hopefully my perception isn't too far off. I've always thought my grasp on his character was a little shaky, and attempting to tell this story from his eyes was especially challenging. Feel free to give me concrit where it's due. But also, I'll have to remind you to prepare yourself for some major OOC moments as the characters begin their downfall. _

_**Notice: This fic is rated M for adult content.**_

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_Parody of an angel  
Miles above the sea  
I hear the voice of reason  
Screaming after me  
"You've flown far too high boy, now you're too close to the sun,  
Soon your makeshift wings will come undone"_

_But how will I know limits from lies if I never try?_

_There's no promise of safety with these secondhand wings  
But I'm willing to find out what impossible means.  
I'll climb through the heavens on feathers and dreams  
'Cause the melting point of wax means nothing to me.  
Nothing to me._

~Thrice, _The Melting Point of Wax_

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Part I: Secondhand Wings

For the gazillionth time in like, forever, I can't sleep. Yeah, I used to be able to sleep through anything- subway trains, nuclear explosions, Raph's snoring... Just ask Leo about all the times he's tried to wake me up for practice. Man, he always knew the rudest most totally evil ways of dragging me out of bed. Sometimes he'd even make Raph do his dirty work for him. And let me tell you, getting sat on first thing in the morning is no picnic, especially when it's Raph's fat butt squeezing the air out of your lungs.

But now I think the night just makes my brain go all sorts of crazy places. It's not even close to quiet with the copters flying overhead or all people sleeping in the rows metal bunks. So totally doesn't help with those search lights catching the holes in the ceiling when I'm half asleep. Put it all together and I get a load of crazy dreams that I'm stuck in a horror movie. I hate waking up with the urge to make everyone hats out of tin foil.

I could probably blame all this craziness on not playing enough video games. Yeah, they all told me it would melt my brain in the end, but guess what? I think my brain is melting without it. I need constant stimulation! I mean, come on. I haven't even seen a comic book since the ships landed. Way back then, that stuff was all I could think about. Without them it just kinda leaves my mind with stuff I don't want to think about.

We couldn't go back to the Lair after the first night. Leo said it was way too dangerous. So that's five freaking years of no Justice Force, Spider-man, Superman, Batman- you name it. And let me tell you, I had my freak out, but I didn't die from TV-starvation like I always thought I would. I came pretty close, but I pulled through. I still miss it, though. I miss having someplace to go in my head when I close my eyes. It was nice having heroes to look up to, places to go when you just want to be somewhere else. My dreams used to look a lot like comic books back then- lots of color and cheesy one liners and saving the day.

But sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them to, no matter how good your lines are.

Now that I think of it…maybe comics and TV isn't what I miss the most from the good ole' days. I think I miss the sun. It's so weird when you think about it. I mean, it's just the sun, right? Yeah, I didn't get much of it when I was a kid, or even when I was older, but remembering back to my favorite times before all of this, the sun was the best. I remember when me and my bros would hang out under the sewer grates in the summer, or all those days spent at the farmhouse just living out in the open with the sun getting you warm all over. Somehow the sunny days were even enough to make Raph crack a few jokes, or get Leo smiling for no reason.

It makes me think about those questions Don would always ask in times like these, about stuff that could never happen. He'd ask me what I'd do if I could be human, then look at me like he was totally serious, the same way he looks when reads the dictionary or whatever. I would always say the same thing, too. I'd go to California or someplace where it's sunny all the time so I could just lay there and be warm for the rest of my life. It'd be a place with a beach and oceans and tons of babes in hot bikinis going "Oh Michelangelo, what a hunk!"

Actually I kinda think my brain's just to play Baywatch reruns. But come on, Pamela Anderson? Now that's the stuff of dreams.

I know I miss color a lot too. There hasn't been much since the labor camps started. Whatever that giant can opener has those people building probably has something to do with a) mass destruction, b) a fate worse than death, c) global warming, or d) all of the above. I guess everybody was right about pollution kicking the world's butt ten ways to Sunday and turning it into something from Fallout 3. Captain Planet would be shitting puppies. I just know it. But I bet no one ever thought all this mess would be because the tin man's ugly third cousin has weird fetishes for building robots that look like the Zords from Power Rangers.

I turn over on my side and sigh, scrub my hand over my face a few times. I really do feel like shit. Even my back ache has a back ache from sleeping on this stupid cot all the freakin' time. Still I'm wide awake drumming my fingers on my plastron until I get bored of it and find something else equally obnoxious to do. I can't help moving around. I guess all of this 'live in hiding or perish' stuff really gets to me. I get all twitchy when I have to stand still, even when my head feels like it's made of concrete. I think most of the night's gone anyways, so I don't feel like putting in the effort to make myself sleep. I know I'm tired, but I just can't turn my brain off. I wish I could flick it off like a switch and everything would go quiet for a while. It doesn't work, though. I tried it, and all it got me was a really nasty headache.

I sit up in bed and open my eyes wide, trying to see in the dark by the gray light coming through like flashlight beams from the little cracks in the ceiling. My new thing's rubbing the side of my face with one hand, which turns into drumming my fingers on my leg instead.

I have to admit the old library basement we use for a hideout kinda sucks, but it's big enough to hold everyone we've grabbed off the streets and it's hard to see from the air. A lot of people got killed after those ships landed, even more got sent to labor camps. Now it's kind of quiet, but this place'll be hopping as soon as the sun comes up. We've got some pretty serious stuff planned out for tomorrow. Maybe that's what's driving me nuts tonight.

Actually, it's kinda scaring the crap out of me.

Come to think of it, maybe I do miss sleep. I pretend I don't really need it, but at least when I used to sleep I could dream about happy stuff like all those nights I stayed up late watching cheesy late night horror movies with Raph. I used to scream and dump popcorn all over him at the 'scary parts' just to see that look on his face. He gets all puffed up and angry, but I see that little smile long before he loses it. Can't fight it. Sure, he'll swear and groan and smack me upside the head but I know he's trying so hard to be angry because he really just wants to laugh. Now that's what I call a Kodak moment. Wish I had a camera. I'd frame it and hang it on the wall.

But I guess those days are gone. I haven't even seen a working TV in five years. The only things with power are those crazy Zords and helicopters that patrol the streets. I can see their search lights catching the holes in the ceiling, but I think we're pretty safe for now- or at least that's what I keep telling myself. We've been hiding here for two years without a problem, so we should be all right.

Okay…I don't like where this's going. I try to stop it before it can smack me over the head. Think of Raph, idiot. Think of when you drew that smiley face on his shell in permanent marker. But my eyes are getting all hot. I squeeze them shut and let two tears fall out, but I wipe them away fast. I hope no one heard me gasp like I was drowning, but no one's moving in the bunks.

The second it hits me I want to scream. I want to slam my face into the pillow over and over and scream. Man, it's not fair. It's been five freaking years, but I still hate it. Shouldn't I be used to it by now? No. I still hate all of this. I hate all of this ugliness all the freaking time. I hate hearing about all the horrible things that go on in those labor camps, or about all those stories of people who tried to fight back, but didn't make it in the end.

I just want a happy ending so bad, like Silver Sentry swoops in and saves the day. But it's not gonna happen like that. It's not. That's why me and my bros have to do this. That's why we have to be the resistance. We have to be the heroes this time—not the kind who wear the snazzy capes and fly around the city, but the real grown-up kind of heroes with guns that kill because they have to. We have to be those people. We have to fix this.

I keep telling everyone we have to do something about this mess. We have to stop hiding and fight back before we let the Shredder win. But to a lot of people, the Shredder already won. Leo's even too afraid to let us even think about going outside. I have no idea what they're so scared for. Eventually they're going to find us like all the other people, and they're gonna kill us just like everyone else who tried to resist. Hiding is just stupid when we could do so much good fighting this.

Everyone thinks I'm dreaming, but Raph believes me. He's not the only one, either. I guess people tend to listen to you when you've got hope.

Today I got a report from this kid, Sparky, who said he and his mom just escaped from the West Side compounds. They'd sent him to base about an hour after he made it, still wearing that ugly gray uniform with holes in the knees. He said they killed his dad. He was only thirteen, but they still tattooed those numbers on the back of his neck.

He came in all bloody and torn up from crawling under the barbed wire, saying he just barely got away from a bunch of Foot Police snooping around not too far from here. Raph, April and me were there, and we did let Casey and Don know, but nobody wants to tell Leo. The guy's already worried himself sick more times than I can remember. Sometimes his headaches get so bad he has to go to his bunk and sleep it off for the rest of the day.

I hate seeing him like that. He walks around half-dead with circles under his eyes. But he worries too much. I guess that's one thing that'll never change. Raph says he's driving himself crazy, but I think Leo's too strong for that. If I don't believe that, no one else will.

I just wish he wasn't so scared to fight.

I fidget around, kicking my blanket off and chucking it on the floor. It smells like motor oil and it's kinda making me sick. The floor's cold under my feet but isn't enough to wake me up. I just…wish I could wake up. I wish I could see color again, see light, feel the sun, be something other than scared all the time, think about things other than the stuff I hate. I never used to feel like this. We used to be strong. We used to be together. We used to know what the heck we were doing once upon a time. I think losing that's what changed everything.

I guess now all we have is hope.

I breathe a sigh and press the heels of my hands into my eyes. The fireworks that explode in the dark remind me of the things I can't forget. When everything's gray and scary and full of blood, when everyone else can see the bad stuff and let it go, I can't forget. I just don't want to.

My skin feels like its crawling. I shiver at a draft coming in through a crack in the concrete wall. It's like bees… everywhere…bees on my legs, on my arms, under my shell, crawling up the back of my neck like one of those poking little itches that pop up in the hardest places to reach. I know what'll make it stop. I know what can make me feel better. Enrique told me this would happen if I tried to stop. He's tried it before. I knew I shouldn't have started, but I just get tired of trying so hard all the time.

I'm losing it, I know I am. I used to laugh a whole lot more. I used to smile for no reason. And even though I still do, it doesn't feel the same. I used to never let even one serious thought get stuck in my head for more than a second before my brain turned into something funny. Now I have people calling me a Freedom Fighter. I have people calling me their savior. It's kinda cool, sure, but I know I'm no Turtle Titan. I gave up on that a long time ago.

Instead I spend weeks hunched over maps, drawing out everything I can remember from my walks outside the barbed wire gates and concrete factories. I spent days underground planning out this raid with Raph and Casey, hours figuring out the best ways to storm that labor camp from ten different directions.

From what we have now, it's gonna be messy. People are going to die. There's no cape and glory in this one—just two thousand men, women, and children with numbers tattooed on the backs of their necks.

Life isn't like the comic books. I learned that a long time ago.

Tomorrow we'll play hero, but I know nobody's really gonna win. There's no saving the day at the end of this issue. It's a battle, but we're miles away from winning the war.

Finally I get the guts to get up and get out of here. I'm obviously not gonna sleep tonight, so I might as well do something other than driving myself crazy. A quick sweep over the rows of bunks and I feel safe enough to slip out into the next room. More brick and concrete make up the halls that connect the rest of the base. It's a lot like the sewers, if you think about it- this crazy maze with a bunch of dark corners that make your imagination play tricks on you. But this place never really felt like home. It's too depressing. There's too much blood and horrible things that helped build these walls. But I don't wanna think about that.

I take a left turn, then a right, finally reach the metal door and punch in the combination that'll turn off Don's alarms and Raph's crazy booby traps. I hold my breath when the lock clicks and push open the rusty door. It's so loud in the quiet, groaning on the hinges, but the air…I can feel the outside for the first time in weeks. That's enough to keep me going, just push it open a little wider, fill my lungs with more until they feel like they're gonna explode.

I just can't breathe in enough. It's almost enough to make my brain stop thinking it's on fire, almost enough to keep my hands from shaking, but it's not. It's not.

The door closes behind me and I don't even pay attention to the noise, just climb up the rusty ladder and get closer to the sky, closer to the air. Deep breath, close my eyes when I reach the street level. It's amazing, all this space. I can even see the moon tonight. The night's cold and my breath floats out like a cloud. I puff out a few times just to watch it, put my hand out to the breeze, palm up, fingers stretched. I want to feel this. If I die tomorrow, I want to remember what it's like.

Actually, the air kinda smells like burned rubber and car exhaust. When I breathe in too much I choke on it. It's really freaking nasty and burns the back of my throat, but it still feels awesome somehow. Guess I should've been expecting that. Oh well.

Before I know it the pain's back and the bees are doing the moonwalk under my skin. I hug myself against the cold, turn and head for the park. It's a long walk, but it'll be worth it. It'll be so worth it.

My walk turns into a jog when I'm about halfway there. If I said I wasn't totally creeped out by the shadows all over the place, I'd be lying. Every noise makes me want to scream like a little girl and run all the way back to my nice, safe, horribly uncomfortable bed. It's taking eons to get through this maze of dead woods the pollution turned the park. The dry grass crunches under my feet and the dead trees groan like rusty door hinges. I hug myself closer and push myself into a run, trying not to think about all the things that could be hiding behind those tree trunks and thorn bushes.

I just have to get there. I have to. It's worth the risk. It's worth it.

I could almost cry when I see the place—a little crooked shack in a clearing near the middle of the woods. I knew she'd be here tonight. She has too many people to supply to, too much information to buy, too many supplies, food, weapons to trade. I know she'll want something this time. I just don't know how much I can give.

My heart's already pounding in my chest when I reach up and knock on the door. I can't even hold still while I wait for an answer. I'm shifting from one foot to another, watching my breath blow out like smoke in the cold. It's too much to take in…all the bees buzzing in my veins, all the stuff that's creeping in my head.

There's a warm light coming from the inside when she opens the door. It lights up her face at weird angles and spills on the ground in a puddle. But even with the shadows she's still pretty. She has more scars than I can count, and she's skinny as a stick, but that could never change her. She's like Raph—one of those immovable people. I can feel every bone in her arms when she hugs me around my neck, hanging on like she can't stand by herself. Her earrings brush up against my face when she pushes her head against my shoulder.

I really wasn't expecting that one. She must be pretty far gone already.

"Hey, it's my homeboy!" she smiles, her big brown eyes are darker than I've ever seen them, and really, really close to my face.

"Ahh…hey Angel!" I grin. Yeah, I'm gonna roll with this. I mean, her boobs are pressed up against my plastron, so why not? Dreaming about Pamela Anderson can only get a turtle so far. Plus you gotta admit, I'm pretty irresistible. Gotta give the ladies what they want, and I'm a generous guy.

The shadows splashing up against the walls move across the room by the candlelight. I can see them looking at me, her clients. I recognize a few from the barracks, but some of them make me a little nervous. A flash of something silver catches the light when she moves away. She's pushing a knife back into her pocket. "Wasn't expecting you."

"You weren't gonna use that on moi, your most favorite turtle ever, were you?" I laugh, only half-faking being scared silly when I take a step away. Part of me is sad she let go, the other part is freaking horrified she's got sharp, pointy objects that close to my face when she's tweaking enough to hug me. "'Cause I seriously can't sacrifice these looks when I already got one brother doing a really good impression of a cyclops. I have to be there for balance, yanno?" Cue award winning smile. God, my jokes suck when I'm running on empty. But I think she's too high to notice.

"Yeah, yeah. No sweat. I wasn't gonna cut you up. Just gotta be careful is all."

When she moves to let me in, I cross my arms over my chest and study all the faces of people, watching me, leaned against the walls. Yeah… the fact that I don't know some of them makes me really nervous. I didn't even notice I was drumming my fingers on my arm until she takes my hand away.

"You're lookin' bad, bro. You need a fix."

I still can't help being nervous. I guess living so close to Leo all the time makes me think some really crazy stuff. I wouldn't believe him if I didn't know some of it really could come true. I swallow hard, try to ignore his voice inside my head. But I can't ignore the bees. They make me want to tear my skin off.

I really wanted to say 'Yes! Yes! Oh god, yes!' I know every part of me wanted it. But somehow, it churned around in my brain and came out like this: "No, I just came to say hi! Hi everybody! I'll be leaving now," I laugh with a wave. They all just stare at me like I've lost all my marbles. I think I actually fooled myself into believing it too. And now I'm heading for the door. But something stops me, like a wall or some kind of crazy force field that lights a fire in my stomach and says 'you didn't come all the way over here for nothing.'

I have no idea what the heck I want. An escape…I guess. I think I'd do just about anything just for an out. That's the scary part.

"Awe, come on. I even got some new stuff for you to try. Loosen up! It'll be fun!" She laughs, still way too close to my face. She's flailing around like a crazy person when she talks, this huge smile on her face.

Then I realize: that could be me. I've done it a million times, why stop now? What do I have to lose? I deserve it after everything we've been through. Just two hours of happiness. That's all I'll ever need.

I turn around and grin. My heart's already going crazy in my chest. I can't wait for the bees to just leave me alone. I wanna feel like that. I wanna smile and laugh for real and forget this ugly mess. Maybe tomorrow'll be the last day I live. Might as well make the most of it. I put my arm around her shoulders and laugh. "Okay, you convinced me. Let's do it thing! Par-tay!"

"Fuck yeah!" She says, probably louder than she should've, bouncing around like her shoes have springs.

"But…what if I don't have anything?"

Her face goes dark for a sec and she stops bouncing, just stares with those big, bloodshot eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…I don't have anything to pay you."

"Not cool man."

The bees are at it again, just stinging every inch of me. My stomach's on fire so bad I could cry. She starts to turn away from me and I almost scare myself how fast I grab her shoulder. "No. No, you can't. I need…I need it Angel. Please."

She tries to shrug my hand off, but I'm holding on too hard. "You got nothing, you get nothing. It's just how it goes."

I feel a little sting of anger in my gut. It's like she's betraying me. After all these years, after all the times we saved her butt from being Dragon chow, saved her…

"What about your brother? Ryan?"

There's a spark in her eye when she looks at me. "What about him? He died in the labor camps a long time ago."

"We saved him once, in the Volpehart building. You owe me big."

I almost wince at the guilt that pretty much stabbed me in the face for guilt-tripping her over her dead brother. It isn't what we do. We're thankless…we're…

I can't believe I've stooped this low. But the second I get that high, none of this will matter. I have to keep telling myself that. So I smile at her, still not letting go of her shoulder.

She squirms a little and says "He's dead now. What does it matter?"

"He would've been dead a whole lot longer if we didn't save is butt once upon a time!"

She only smiles a little, and I don't exactly know why. It's enough to make me let go, at least. "You really want this, huh?"

"Please?" For the tenth time tonight, I'm on the verge of tears.

Her smile cracks bigger and I can feel like I could kiss her the second she brushes me off and says "Eh, then don't worry about it. This one's on the house. Just don't be expecting me to do this again," she giggles, grabbing my hand and dragging me farther in the room. I let her pull me along until we find a place to sit on an old stained couch patched up with duct tape. "You can try out my new stuff. 'Sposed to be stronger," she says. The room smells like chemicals and cigarettes. It's so hard to see through all the smoke, the haze makes the faces blur and my eyes water. But I recognize Enrique and give him a nod, crash on the couch next to him and sigh. I still feel like shit for playing that card on Angel, but at least I'm in now. It's so good to see a familiar face, especially since this's probably gonna be the best night I've had all week, which is kinda sad when you think about it.

"Hey turtle-man, what you doin' here? Thought you'd be preparin' or something," he teases, putting out his fist. I do the same, smiling.

"That's exactly why I'm here, dude. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I keep thinking 'what if I'm gonna die' or something."

"Yeah, I hear that," he nods, staring off into space somewhere near the door. I can see how dark his eyes are.

"You high?" I ask, mostly just teasing.

He turns to look at me. I don't think he's gotten used to me yet, but people these days have bigger fish to fry. I think that's the best thing that's come out of all of this. No more hiding from humans (except the evil ones). As soon as they figure out you're on their side, they pretty much don't care who you are. So I get to talk to whoever I want. That makes me a pretty popular guy. But like I said, I'm pretty irresistible.

"Eh, coming down from it. I'm here watchin' her, mostly," he says slowly, pointing to Angel who's still bouncing around, digging up her lighter. "She said she wanted to get fucked up good before tomorrow."

I watch Angel come walking toward me, crashing on the couch with a bounce, drawing one leg up under her. She's got the pipe and lighter in her hands. "Yeah, I guess that's what I'm doing. So are you gonna watch my back too, lover boy?" I grin before I feel Angel yanking on my bandana tails. I have to grab the side of it to keep it on my face. "Hey!"

"'Hey' yourself, freak," she sneers, "we gonna do this or you two just gonna blab all night?"

"Yeah, let's do this."

The glass pipe is cool on my lips, and I can already feel the rush before she even starts the lighter. The powder inside, it's like a miracle cure for all bad stuff everywhere. She strikes the flame and it flashes across her face. Her eyes're so bright they're like stars. She brings the flame across to warm the glass, making the smoke twist up inside. I draw it in, holding it like I learned to.

It's like unclogging a drain. The second I breathe it in, all the bad stuff just comes wooshing out. The smoke sits there, getting tangled up like clouds. It feels so awesome I can't even explain it. I can't wait to take another draw before the first one gets a chance to leave.

The taste I've gotten used to. It's like taking all those chemicals you clean your bathroom with and using them as mouthwash. But hey, a guy's gotta do what he's gotta do. I know it'll be totally worth it.

It doesn't take long for it to disappear, and I'm on to the next round, but once it's gone, it'll be enough. Guess I'm just lucky I can hold out a week or two in between. Not like I don't think about it all the time. I just…I've seen her "regulars," and that's a place I would never want to be. But this is different. I'm controlling this.

So what if these little adventures are getting closer together? Twice in one week really isn't all that bad. It doesn't mean anything, anyways. I can handle it just fine, thanks.

looking up at the ceiling I'm just sitting there like a heap of oatmeal with too much milk, feeling the bees turn to tingly all over. It's like when you play your music too loud. It feels like your heart just beats with it. Everything melts and it's all I can think about, that swimming Jell-O feeling spreading like butter all over. It's the best thing in the history of the world ever. After everything that's gone bad, this feeling's all I got left. The bees fly away and I'm warm all over, just smiling like an idiot because I finally found the off switch.

I bury my head into the back of the couch and just laugh. I don't know what I'm laughing at, but my face and fingertips're numb. Somehow that's really funny. It's just me now, floating along the dust and smoke in the air. They're burning up everything I used to know like phone books. There's a song I should remember but I can't remember the words. But I'm floating by the ceiling so I can't see the ugliness. I can't feel the pain. I can't see Leo's face with dark circles.

Then I remember the kid. I remember the holes in his knees, blood from the barbed wire. But it's almost good to be angry. It feels so good to be pissed. "You know what I really hate?" I blurt out, jumping up and accidentally smacking Enrique on the way over. I'm not so sure anybody's listening. Nobody's looking at me. I mean, why would anyone listen to some random green dude on a high? "Foot Police. They think they're all that, but they're nothing. At all. They beat up thirteen-year-olds and their moms because they like it. They think it's fun…like piñatas," I fume. I guess I'm talking to Enrique, even though the guy's just kind of staring in my general direction. So I wave my hand in front of his face. "Are you paying attention?!"

Enrique doesn't look too happy, he just grumbles like a sour puss and pushes my hand away. Angel's there though. She's still looking like she's paying attention. "You're listening, right Angel? You get me? Foot Police…they suck!"

"Yeah, they suck balls!" She yells, but she's still smiling like it's the best day of her life. "Those fuckers just walk around picking on people who ain't bothering them."

"Yeah, see what I mean? She's paying attention!" I blurt out again, bouncing up and down because I feel like it. I feel like the freaking Flash! I feel like I could run out the door and sprint from here to Japan in two point five seconds. "They gotta learn to pick on people their own size. Yeah. But instead, they pick on kids! And their moms!"

Angel's got the same fire in her eyes I saw before. I remember it like it was two seconds ago. Because I'm pretty sure it was two seconds ago.

"Yeah, I got this awesome idea. Total genius," I grin, grabbing my nunchaku. "Let's go Foot hunting. What do we have to lose, right? Less people to take out tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah! Show them what we're made of," she grins swaying a little in the blur that I can still see- which isn't much. I'm heading out the door with my nunchaku in my hand the second she agrees. I bet I could run so fast I'll teleport. Even the Flash can't do that!

okayay, I really have no idea what I'm doing. I think I'm just stumbling out into the dark with a death wish. It's dark and it's cold. I can see my breath and I keep thinking how awesome it would be to breathe fire. I could make s'mores. "Here Footie Footie Footie," I call, twirling my nunchuck in a way I know isn't right. But the world's spinning like a tilt-a-whirl right now. It's hard to see straight or even think straight. Yeah, I'm totally gone, but whatever. Might as well make the most out of the moment, right?

Right.

Angel's next to me all ready for the fight and stuff, but it's really, really quiet and I'm waiting for some Footies to jump out of those really crazy shadows before we get a chance to make ourselves look any stupider than we already do. I know that's got to be Enrique looking at us in the doorway, shaking his head like he's all that. But it's his own fault he's not as high as we are. We get to have all the fun. Yeah. Screw Enrique, that spoilsport.

"Shh you have to be quiet!" I whisper… but it totally doesn't come out like a whisper, and Angel's giggling like crazy. I grab her arm and yank her in some direction.

Doesn't take us long to start stumbling out deeper into the woods, still laughing like maniacs. I keep talking to Angel, but I don't think she's paying attention to me, so I keep asking her if she is. I can't believe I can see all the colors. The moon looks awesome and it feels like little earthquakes every time I take a step.

Damn drugs. Damn eyesight going all blurry on me. Stupid ground for wobbling around like it is. Even my fingers are numb while the nunchucks are spinning, but I laugh out loud at all of that. "Stupid Footies. I know you don't want to mess with me an' my buddy Angel over here. We got mad skills and stuff. Yeah, be scared."

But I want a fight. I'm thinking of Sparky and his dad and labor camps and torn up knees and all the stupid shit I've spent the last two weeks thinking about, all the nights I couldn't sleep because it never wants to leave me alone. It's all stupid and I wish everyone can see how stupid they are like a big, giant mirror. They'd all laugh at themselves, I know it. They're too serious all the time and I know they just want to laugh.

The world's titling around me, but I feel like I could do anything. I'm invincible, like Superman! I'm the Man of Steel and nothing can bring me down. Yeah, I'm gonna teach those Footies a lesson with my heat vision.

"Here Footie, Footie, Footies!"

My hands are getting tired by the time I see a little light. I have no idea what it is, but I think it's Foot Police. Crouching behind a thorn bush, I put my finger to my lips and say to Angel "Shhh, be vawy quiet." Ha! Elmer Fudd. "I'm going Foot hunting."

That makes her laugh just a little and that brings the flashlight beam over to where we're hiding. Guess it wasn't all that great of a hiding place after all. So I pop up with this big smile and go "Boo!" Since our cover's blown, we might as well just roll with it. "Hey! Footie freaks, welcome to hurtie town!"

I grab Angel by the shoulder and we stumble through the brush, twigs scraping up against our legs. The flashlight's coming closer. They're shining it in our faces and that only makes me madder, dudes.

"More druggies," one of them snarls. I just blink into his light. I think it's burning my retinas but it's so bright I don't turn away. "Filth isn't even good enough for the camps."

"What should we do with them this time?" says the other one. "Can't send the dogs after 'em. I think that one's a girl."

I'm still twirling my nunchaku when I hear them approaching. The grass is crunching under their feet.

"You got something against girls, Brosco?" The first cop laughs.

"Nah, it's just… what the hell is that? Some kind of alien?"

The second one's real close now. I can smell his cigarette. It burns like a little star when he takes a drag between his fingers. "Not like any Utrom I've ever seen. What is it doing?"

"Uh… you guys never seen a mutant turtle before? We're way better than Utroms," I grin into the light.

"Is that so?" The one man laughs to the other.

"Yeah, and you people really suck. I know what you do."

They stop laughing, shine the light in my face again when one of them takes a step closer and growls "Oh yeah, and what do we do?"

I glare into the light, and I growl. Yeah, Raph would be proud. "You hurt little boys. You rape little kids for fun in those camps. I've heard the stories. Everyone has, you sickos!" I can't stop myself. I spit in their faces and they both start yelling. Then everything's a blur.

Before I can think we're in this crazy fight. Someone pulls a gun and starts shooting. But the blood's pumping so loud in my head I can barely hear it echoing off the trees. I think they were just trying to scare us before, but once the lights aren't blinding me, I see one of them aiming at Angel. Before he can fire I crush his hand with my nunchaku. He yelps like a hurt dog and goes down.

These two goons really suck at fighting. I guess that's lucky for me since I can't even walk in a straight line. I kick one of the dudes in the knee and he tries hitting me on the back with… whatever he's carrying. "Good thing I got a shell!" I yell, whirling around to stick my tongue out at him, stumbling backwards a little in the meantime.

When the dude lunges at me again, Enrique tackles him right on his butt, swinging that knife of his around real fast. I have no idea where he came from, but I don't get a chance to ask. He slits the guy's throat.

Doesn't take long but I smack the other guy upside the head a few times and he stops moving. I think Enrique did most of the work, though. I can't even remember who did what, but this one guy is bleeding pretty bad. I kneel down and watch the blood, put my fingers in it, listen to his breath go quiet.

But I'm staring, watching the moon catch the puddle getting bigger in the grass. I hug myself and just watch his eyes. His mouth opens and closes like a fish. It's weird, listening to my heart pound in my head while his goes out like a candle.

Watching that man die, I almost feel like I'm not any better than him. I just can't figure out what I want to do when everything goes quiet- celebrate, or cry like a baby. But I don't, just watch more blood trickle out.

"What'd we do?" I ask slowly, like I can't get my tongue to work. I can't stop my voice from shaking.

My eyes get real wide when Enrique grabs my shoulder, dragging me up close enough to feel his spit on my face. He's swinging that knife around in the small space between us, and all I can do is hold my breath and watch it flash. "What the fuck, man! You wanna get us killed? I ain't gonna die tonight, freak. Not because of you. And you ain't getting my girlfriend killed neither!"

I just stand there and flap my mouth open and closed like the bleeding man. His fingers are digging hard into my shoulder. My brain's telling me it hurts, but I can't concentrate. I can't think of a way to answer him either, no matter how hard I try. I just stare into his eyes when he shoves me hard, makes me fall on the ground next to the dead man, and spits on me. He grabs Angel's arm and drags her back into the woods.

Then they leave me alone, flat on my ass next to two dead bodies. My heart's racing in my chest and I can't catch my breath no matter how hard I try. I just sit there, alone in the abandoned park, gulping air and watching the clouds with my sweat turning cold. I can't remember the way back home.

But home doesn't exist anymore. We lost it. We lost it all.

I hug my knees up to my chest and bury my face. The tears are hot against the cold air, but I'm shivering, trembling off the last legs of the high with my heart pounding in my ears. My blood still feels electric, but it's not a good feeling anymore.

I just want to go home. I want to come down before I have a heart attack. I want my brothers. I want the sun and TV and video games and pizza. I miss Klunk. I miss it when my brothers were happy, way back in the day when nothing could beat us and superheroes could save the day.

But they can't. They can't.

Ugh, I don't feel so good. That new stuff Angel said she gave me makes me feel like my stomach's pumped full of kerosene. In a second I get that watery feeling in my mouth and just lean over and spew all over the ground.

"Mikey…"

The voice makes me jump and I snap my head up to the shadow coming out of the trees. I'm almost ready for it to swoop in and kill me now. Just end it and that'll be it. Maybe the afterlife'll be better than this. But I know that voice, that sound- swords sliding into their sheathes.

"Oh god." Is all I can manage, trying to scrape myself off the ground.

He comes over and kneels by where I'm sitting, rests his hand on my shoulder. I try to move away. He can't see me like this, see all this sad stuff I've been trying so hard to hide. He worries enough…I can't…

I look at him for a second in what little light the moon gives, wiping some snot and tears off on my arm. I can't let my voice shake. I can't be sad. Not now. No, not now.

"Leo?"

He doesn't say anything, just watches me shake.

"W-were you followin' me?"

He nods, takes in a sharp breath when he peels his eyes from mine, looks around in the dark. But I can't stop looking. I feel like I'm seeing a ghost. I haven't seen my brother topside in almost a year. Why he has to be here now… why he has to see this…it's so unfair.

"Mikey," he whispers, real close to my face. I can feel his warm breath against my cheek. "Why would you do this to yourself?"

His looks so sad, and that only makes me cry harder. I know I'm a failure. He'll never look at me the same way again. But I can't run away, no matter how much I want to, because… I think I want him here.

I bury my face in my arms, try not to cry, try to be strong like him. But he doesn't say anything. It's just silence, the wind blowing through the dead grass, the groaning of the old trees, and me. Me and my big brother, waiting for something I don't think I can give him.

It almost hurts to look at him, but I do it, just one eye peeking out from over my arm. My face is wet and the wind turns it so cold. "I guess…don't want…to be alone."

He comes and sits closer to me, our shoulders touching, but I'm not looking at him again. I can't. "You know that isn't true. You're never alone."

Now that just makes me mad. I can't help it. I just hate it when they use that voice on me, like I don't know anything that's going on just because everyone calls me little brother. I snap my head up and glare at him through the tears, my voice thick with them. "How could you even say that? All Raph does is brood, Don buries himself in his workshop, and you're never there! Never!"

I watch his face change into something that makes my stomach sink, but he doesn't say anything. I wipe my eyes with the palms of my hands and sniff. "Do you… really hate us that much…for doing this?"

He turns his eyes away, lets out a breath that makes his shoulders fall. "Is that why you do this? You think I hate you?"

"I don't know!" I sob, feeling his hand slip across my shoulder until it's a half-hug. I don't even think I deserve that. "I screwed up. I'm sorry, Leo! I'm sorry!"

"Shh, stay quiet," he reminds me in a whisper close to my ear. I try to take a deep breath, but it's more like gulping air. "Mikey...I could never hate you—any of you. You're my brothers and I love you all, but not only for that reason."

I don't say anything, just shut my eyes tight and rest my head against his. For a while, we just sit there and breathe.

"I should be sorry, not you," he whispers. "I should be a better leader for all of you. I shouldn't let you do this alone just because…"

"You're scared."

He swallows hard for a second, and I pull away to watch him. But he's staring off to somewhere else. I wonder what the dark looks like to him. Something's telling me I really don't want to know. "Yeah…I'm scared. But I shouldn't be."

"It's okay to be scared, Leo," I half-laugh. I wish he could see me roll my eyes at him. "The world's scary. Heck, I'm scared all the time."

All he says is "It's different." But I'm not really sure how. He still doesn't look at me. I wish he would, because I have no idea what to say. It's kind of an awkward silence before he just decides to stand up and offer me a hand, saying "We need to head back. Come on." I take it, and start following him back through the woods on wobbly legs. We don't talk the whole way back.

When we get to the door, he stops and waits for me to climb down the ladder first. But I wait for a second, look at him in the moonlight, those dark circles and lines that I know really shouldn't be on a twenty-six-year-old's face. I catch his eyes for a second and guilt hits me hard in the stomach. I wonder how many more lines I gave him tonight. He just looks… so sad, and part of it's because of me.

"I really am sorry, Leo. I'm really, really sorry." I sound so pathetic, but at least I'm not crying anymore.

"You shouldn't apologize to me," he says coldly, staring off into space like he still can't find the nerve to look me in the eye. "You have thousands of people relying on you tomorrow. What would happen if you got yourself killed tonight?"

"You…know about that?"

"I know about a lot of things, little brother."

I don't know how to respond to that. Instead I look at my hands, wringing them for something else to do.

"You can't let them down."

I finally meet his eyes again. It's enough to make me shiver. "You won't tell anybody about this, will you?"

He shakes his head, his lips still pressed into that same old frown. "No. That's your decision to make, not mine."

"Thanks, Leo."

Silently, he nods before gesturing back down the ladder. "Now come on. It isn't safe here."

Climbing down that ladder, I know what I have to do. All this stuff I dream about…I can't just close my eyes and pretend it's all gonna get better overnight. Because it won't. I know it won't. So many people lost their hope after the Shredder landed, and I'm one of the few people that can keep it for them, save it for another day. I might have let my family down tonight, but I know I won't let them down again. I can't. I won't.


	2. Part II: Touching the Sun

Part II: Touching the Sun 

"Hey, Sleepin' Beauty, you gonna show your face today or what?"

"Wha… huh?" Okay, so I have no idea what he was saying. But whatever it is, it has nothing to do with letting sleep. I've got plans of my own, thank you very much. Me and my pillow are in need of some serious face time, and it looks like she's not gonna let up any time soon. So instead of responding to the World's Crankiest Alarm Clock of Doom, I just pull my blanket over my head.

"No no no. See, you're doin' it wrong. When I come over here to wake you up, it's 'sposed to go something like this…"

I make a noise that sounds a lot like a squeak when I feel his hand—his very cold, unwelcome hand—grab my ankle and yank me out of bed. I don't let go of my pillow on the way down and everything goes spilling on the floor. So now I'm on my butt, looking up at him with my mouth hanging open, still grabbing onto my pillow like that was the Titanic and this's my only life preserver. Raph makes one fugly Leonardo DeCaprio, if you ask me.

Great, now he's laughing. My butt is sore and he's laughing_. _"_Raph, _it's not funny!"

Man, can I whine like a baby or what?

I chuck my pillow at his head, but he catches it before it can give him the smack he deserves. "Is to me, nimrod," he chuckles. "You gonna get off the floor or what?"

"Huh… oh yeah." I guess I'm still on the floor. It takes me a couple tries to untangle myself, but glaring at him from this angle works way better.

"You look like shit," he says matter-of-factly, still not giving me even a bit of my dignity back. That is… if I ever had dignity. I can't remember.

"Gee, thanks. Same to you, Cyclops."

Oh, that pissed him off, but at least we're even for the whole dragging me out of bed thing. And it only earned me a smack on the arm.

"Come on, dipstick, Donny's waiting for us," he glares. Now there's that look I love. Seriously, where's a camera when you need one?

Too bad it's like a bomb went off in my skull or I'd make fun of him for it. "Ugh, bad headache, dude. Gimme a sec," I groan, pressing a hand to the side of my head. I have to sit back down on my cot and close my eyes for a second before it goes away a little.

"Hey man, don't go pullin' a Leo on me. Not today," he says. "We got enough with one pansy bringin' down the group."

"He's not a pansy," I almost whisper, my eyes still closed and my hand pressed to my forehead. I don't usually stick up for anybody Raph picks on because he usually doesn't mean it. But this time I think he does, and after last night, I can't let him talk like that.

"Gimme some proof then maybe I'll believe ya."

"Whatever, Raph," I breathe, then change the subject before he can really pound me. "What time is it anyways?" The barracks are mostly empty and Don's solar lights are on, so it has to be morning at least.

"Three. You been sleepin' all day."

My eyes fly open at that one, and I drop my hands from my face. "You let me sleep all day?!"

He only shrugs. "You were tired. You really have been lookin' like shit lately."

"Totally lovin' the gesture, dude, but today is so not the day."

"Yeah, what else is there to do, more planning?" He sits down next to me on the cot, reaching into his belt for a match and cigarette. He puts it between his lips and asks "You mind?"

"Nah, I don't care, but you know what Sensei'll say if he sees you." Not to mention Leo. But I like my shell where it is, thanks.

"I'm an adult, Mike. I can do what I want," he grumbles, lighting the match. Lighters never worked with our hands. Too bad I know that one from experience. I watch him take another draw and let it out in a puff of smoke. "But like I was sayin', we been planning this for weeks. We get in, get the people out, and blow the place to shit. What else's there to do?"

My eyes are glued to my hands fidgeting in my lap. When he puts it that way it sounds so simple and I feel dumb for freaking out."I dunno. Just nervous, I guess."

"It'll…work," he says, taking another drag. I don't like the hesitation in his voice one bit. Another puff of smoke and he says "Trust me. We got this one in the bag."

Yeah, right. Good pep talk, Raph.

A second of silence tics by before I get the guts to ask him for a cigarette. I just hope to god it helps with the headache, and the jitters, too. They seem to be helping Raph calm down pretty good these days, unless the thing that's got him ticked has something to do with Leo.

He hands me one without a second look, and I grab it, striking the match and taking a draw before anybody can get us in trouble. So far the coast's clear.

"Angel was up looking for you this morning," he says without turning. He's got his eyes glued to something on the floor. "She was worried about ya. Sounded like she didn't expect you to even be here."

"Yeah," I say flatly, trying not to give him a reason why. "What'd you tell her?"

"Just said you were around, sleepin'."

I don't answer, just nod and concentrate on my cigarette.

"Rough night? Saw you sneakin' out. Saw Leo head out little while after you, too. Could barely believe it," he says, so graciously putting the rest of his cigarette out in the crack on my wall. "He didn't find ya, did he?"

"Hey! That's my wall!" I whine. "It's precious space, dude. I had it all Feng Shui and everything. "

He only shrugs, leaving it jammed in there. "Didn't have an ash tray. But if it bothers you so much, maybe I'll put it out on your face next time."

"Mmm, no thanks. You _know _my face is too pretty for that. But you could always use yours." I throw him an innocent smile, but he only glares and puffs on his cig. "And yeah, he did find me last night. That answers both your questions."

"Pretty much," he grumbles, giving the floor a look. While he and the concrete are busy having their little staring contest, I take the chance to jam the rest of my cig next to his in the crack. When he looks up, he notices, but doesn't say anything, just gives me one of those looks. "Not meaning to give you a lecture here or nothin'," he says, "but you know that girl's trouble, right?"

"Yeah. I don't want to talk about it."

"Seriously. Man, just be careful. I don't think cigarettes is the only thing she's sellin'. And that Enrique guy she hangs out with- I've seen what he can do. Kid's rolled with the Turks, and he's way too quick with that knife to be trusted."

"You just don't think I can take care of myself," I snap. I was doing pretty good after last night until Raph felt like bringing this up. Way to kill the mood, bro. _ "Baby brother_. That's what I always am, just _little brother_ who needs to be protected. Well guess what, I'm an adult too, Raph."

He throws me a glare that makes me want to melt into the wall. "I seen more crap on those streets than you ever will. I got every right to tell you what I think. I ain't protectin' nobody."

I throw my hands up before he thinks I want to keep this going. I really don't wanna fight. My head hurts too much right now anyways. "All right, all right. Sorry. I guess this headache's just messing with my brain and I'm sick of talking about it." I pause for a breath before remembering what he told me earlier. "You said Donny wanted us?"

"Yeah, come on," he says, getting to his feet and waiting for me to stand before we start walking toward the warehouse. "Genius says he's got our bomb ready, and a bunch of other gizmos he feels the need to explain a million times."

"Ugh, not the Fed. blasters again," I groan. "How many times does he have to explain the safeties on those things? You flip a switch so you don't accidentally melt your own face off. Not that hard."

"Says you," he says with a smirk. I just make a face and let him have his little joke. I'll get back at him later, I promise.

The maze of dug-out tunnels leads to Donny's huge, dark, grimy version of the Fortress of Solitude. If there was one good thing that came out of the Shredder's armies bombing the shell out of the city, it'd be that Donny has pretty much unlimited stuff to mess around with- old cars, refrigerators, even a few rusted out tanks from when the military got involved. The whole place is a frigging junkyard. While Shredder's busy forcing prisoners to build his crappy Zords, Donny's building stuff that could make even the Utroms look like Kindergartners.

"There you two are," he says, wiping his hands on his jacket. You can usually tell how much work Donny's put in based on the amount of grime he's covered in. Right now, we've got ourselves a head-to-toe coverage situation. Looks like overtime. "I've been waiting for you for almost an hour."

"Not like you don't got enough toys here to keep you busy," Raph says. Donny only smiles through the dirt smudges on his face. Or is that oil? Hard to tell. "So what're you gonna show us anyways?"

"Oh! The explosive device- specializing in wreaking havoc, demolition, and pretty much just blowing the hell out of everything within a quarter mile radius."

"Sweet," I grin. Just thinking about that light show is like, ten times better than any action movie I've ever seen. "Do you think we could sell tickets?"

"To what?" Donny asks oh so foolishly. That dude is always himself set up for these.

Instead of sticking with my joke, I change it up so I can make even more of an ass out of myself. So now I'm flexing and giving him this dorky smile. "The gun show."

I swear can feel it coming before it even starts. It's like my Mikey-sense is tingling the second _before _Raph tries to smack me upside the head. This time I duck and he misses, a very rare occurrence indeed. I bounce a few steps backwards and stick my tongue out. "Missed me, Raphie-boy! You're getting slow in your old age."

Reeling backwards, I bump into Donny, whose busy pinching that place between his eyes like he always does when he's annoyed. He puts both hands on my shoulders to keep me from bowling us both over. "Mikey, please," he begs, tightening his grip, "this is a very delicate piece of equipment, and I would rather not be blown to smithereens by my own tech, if we can avoid it."

He wheels me around by my shoulders and points to the huge hunk of metal and wires on a platform nearby. "See this, Mikey?" He's teasing me now, I know it. Sometimes I wouldn't even be able to tell if he didn't use that voice every time. It's like how any normal person would talk to a three-year-old. He's pointing at the hunk of metal with this big dumpy grin on his face. "This makes things go boom, and if you set it off in my workshop, that would be bad. Do you understand? _Bad._"

Now Raph's laughing at me again. Looks like it's National Pick on Mikey Day. But I don't mind. It's not like I don't totally deserve it. Plus, I'm keeping a mental tally for later. When this's over, I'll get them all back twice as bad. I've already got some awesome ideas involving duct tape, a few pages of newspaper, and some permanent markers.

"So if that thing's so dangerous, how're we gonna get it in without blowin' ourselves to pieces?"

"I was over exaggerating. There's a safety and timer, remote ignition and encryptions. This baby's not doing anything until I tell it to." His face darkens for a second and that's enough to make Raph shut his big, ugly trap. "But seriously, don't mess with it."

"Okay, okay, I get it. It's dangerous. Can you let go of me now? You're a great guy and all, but this's getting kind of awkward."

He gives me a look that I can't read before letting me go, and I give him a look of my own. Come to think of it, maybe all the stupid faces I make at people is one of the reasons everyone still treats me like a kid. But I think it's worth it. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who has any fun around here.

"So just tell me if I've got this correctly," Don asks, mostly to Raph. "As soon as I create my distraction and tear you guys and entrance, you two and Casey are bringing in the device, right?"

"Right. And then us three'll set up the bomb and get outta there once April gives the signal. Then we blow the place to hell."

"Sounds relatively simple," he says with a frown I really don't like. "But there's a lot of room for complication. There's so many variables at play that-"

Raph cuts him off. "Donny, we got less than an hour till show time. We ain't gonna think about that," he says roughly. "We just got to get those people outta there, send a message to the Shred Head that he ain't gonna be king of this joint for long."

Don only swallows hard and nods. I know what he's thinking. It's the same stuff that's been going through my head for days. Something's gonna go wrong if we don't do this just right, I know it.

Still I gotta stay positive. If I don't, no one will.

"I have some pretty interesting plans for my distraction," Don says quickly, tearing his eyes away and changing the subject before anything else can come up. Raph and I've spent enough time sticking up for this plan already. All of us are sick of fighting over it. "These salvaged Legion bots," he says, pointing to the three huge zords standing up against the wall. He's got that look in his eyes that says he's switched to geek mode. Brace yourselves. "Are situated with a wireless remote connection, much like what I had installed in the last Battle Shell. I think they're our best bet for getting in and keeping their attention away from you guys while still keeping casualties to a minimum."

"Then what can I do?"

For a second we all look at each other all confused- Leo's standing in the doorway. He's leaning up against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. But I still can't believe he said what I think he said. He wants to _help us?_ Whoa.

"So look who finally decided to step up to the plate," Raph growls, finally breaking the silence. His eyes are narrowed into this really mean glare. "That rock you've been living under get boring for even you, Fearless?"

Leo only frowns, turns to talk to me instead. Leo asking me for directions…now that is freaking _weird_. "Uh…Master Splinter could use some help at the gates, making sure the people get through."

He nods, pushing himself away from the door. "Then that's what I'll do. Thank you."

In a second he's gone. That dude thinks he's freakin' Batman sometimes. Geez. Still I feel like I should say _something. _I dunno. "You're welcome?"

"So Leo's joinin' in. Thought I'd never see the day."

I turn to Raph and give him a grin. "See, I told you he wasn't a pansy."

"Yeah, whatever," he grumbles like a true sour puss. "So we gonna do this or what? April's probably gathered up the troops by now."

That makes my heart jump up in my chest, and I've got this real fluttery nervous feeling in my stomach. Is this really gonna happen? We're gonna do this _now? _Man, I'm in way over my head.

"I'm ready when you are," Donny adds, pressing a few buttons on a remote-thing that makes one of the bots come to life.

"Yeah!" I croak, trying not to sound nervous. But that attempt was made of fail. I sound like I'm thirteen again. But I'm Mikey the Fearless! I'm Mikey the Brave! Protector of the innocent, spreader of justice, avenger of…

I shrink at the looks they're giving me, throw them a little smile. "I just…said all of that out loud, didn't I?"

Raph only laughs and Donny can't help joining in. He grabs my by the shoulder and we leave Donny to his Zords and crazy plans. Walking down the hallway, it's just Raph and me in the dark, but he's got his arm around my shoulder and a smile on his face. "Mikey, you've got about two thousand screws loose in that head of yours, but that's why we love ya. Never lose it."

I just laugh with him when we go to find April. I'm not exactly sure why he said that to me. Either he knows we're gonna die tonight, or he really meant it. I can only hope it's option number two.

* * *

Everything looks so different in the light. I always knew the city we live in now is definitely not the New York I grew up in. But with what little light the setting sun's still giving off, I can see how bad it really is.

There's nothing much left—an old bakery that I remember walking by a few times on a night run or something…I don't know. But its windows are broken, and the place is covered in this nasty layer of dust. Actually, the whole city looks like it's buried in it. Probably the stuff that got kicked up from when the ships landed. It turns everything ten ugly shades of brown.

There really isn't much sun left, and as soon as darkness hits, everything's going to Hell. I watch the sky get darker from the glimpses the broken street lets in above. We're taking the sewer tunnels for now. Or, what's left of the sewer tunnels. I've taken this way a million times trying to find the best road into that labor camp. The ceiling's caved in here and there… actually a good chunk of the sewer got a new skylight during whatever the heck happened to make this part of town look like an old battlefield.

Everything goes dark when the pavement swallows up the sky.

So far it's just me, Raph, Casey, and Don making our way down the old sewer lines. We're following Don's bots blazing the way on the street over our heads. Those things seriously freak me out though, like if there's nobody actually behind the wheel, they could just randomly decide that they liked being evil and change their minds. Now that would be freaky…and bad. _Very_ bad.

I can hear the footsteps far behind me, a hundred people breathing in the dark. Angel's in there somewhere, and Enrique too. I just wonder if he's still mad at me after last night. I couldn't blame him if he was. I know I have to concentrate on leading the way through this mess, but I can't help looking back at those faces a long ways behind us. I keep thinking about all the things I should have said before all of this. Like maybe I should have told my brothers I loved them again, even though I say it all the time. Maybe I should have tried to get to know Casey better, because when it comes down to it, I don't even think he would really call me a friend. I should have told Raph how cool he is for never letting that eye get in his way. I should've told Leo it's okay to be afraid one more time, because I know he still thinks it's not. I should've told Sensei what a great father he was to all of us, or told Donny he's not as misunderstood as we pretend he is. Most of it's just teasing, but sometimes I don't think he gets that.

I used to have this picture under my mattress, this sketch I've had for years. I drew it so long ago, I can't even remember when, but sometimes I think about it. It's a picture of my family, my brothers, dressed up like superheroes in the way I always dreamed about, the Turtle Titan leading the way. I kept it hidden forever 'cause they hated that, when I'd dress them up in capes and things. Raph always said it's 'cause we're nothing like that. But to me, they're about as close as you can get. I wonder if they know that.

Donny's bringing up the rear now, not even paying attention to where he's walking. He's got this huge remote in his hands, the blue light of the screen lighting up his face. We don't have flashlights, so we're just walking in the dark hoping nobody smacks into a wall or something.

Then we hit dead end. There's an old access ladder going up to a rusted manhole against the wall. It'll spit us out by an alleyway not too far from the fence line of the compound. The troops'll stay underground while we wait for Don's distraction.

I shift the pack on my back a few times before climbing up the ladder. I pretty much want to pee my shell thinking there's enough explosives to blow away a whole city block just strapped to my back. I still can't believe they gave it to me out of the three of us. Raph coulda done it way better than me. But then again- Raph always did say he wanted to go down fighting, and everyone knows how Don feels about Casey around his doohickies. Guess that leaves the bomb to me.

Oh man, we're so screwed.

Feeling the air again is totally different the second time around. I can't take time to feel it, which makes me that much happier that I did last night. That might've been the last time, who knows. Right now, I'm pretty much kissing my butt goodbye.

But it's the same thing that's been going through my head for days now. It'll be worth it. It'll be _so _worth it. Even if we die tonight, at least we died trying. At least we can show people there's still something left worth fighting for.

We run like crazy towards the alleyway across the few feet of cracked road, and make it just fine. I can see the spotlights tracing the ground a few feet away, but we're far enough to be safe. So we watch and wait between the sides of two crumbling skyscrapers. I remember what those buildings used to look like. They were so huge, like mountains. Now it's like they're gonna fall any second.

The spotlights sweep up close nearby, and I hold my breath, grabbing hard onto the straps of the pack. But it wasn't us they're looking at—it's Donny's Zords. To these guard dudes, they probably just look like any other of the Shred Head's Legion bots. Nobody asks a second question opening the doors and letting them in.

My heart's pounding in my brain when it's time to make a break for it. The doors are almost closed, but at least the shadows are dark enough to hide us, and everybody's busy trying to figure out the random bots that just showed up. You can tell they're real confused, but at least that spotlight's turned away.

Then, the sky lights up and the bots show off their heavy artillery. Hell yeah. There's flashes of fire burning up the dark while we cut across the courtyard and into the main building. I catch Raph's face while we're running, Casey's too. We all have the same goofy smiles. Maybe this really could work after all.

Inside, there's chaos. The whole place's gone crazy. There's guards running everywhere like little ants, bumping into each other, yelling stuff. Tisk tisk, so disorganized. They never stood a chance against our genius! They're even stupid enough to start pouring out the main door to start shooting at the stupid bots. But Donny just keeps blowing the hell out of the place and we squeak in through the side door no problem. Now all we have to do is sneak into the center of the building and have Casey find a good lookout spot until April gets all the people out. Sounds easy enough.

Yeah, easy until we turn down the next hall and wind up face-to-face with three really nasty looking guard dogs. It's like all the air just got sucked out of my lungs. They see us in a second and start showing their teeth and growling and I'm freaking out really bad. I squeak a little bit- _can't scream. Don't scream. No screaming, Mikey! _– but those dogs look really hungry and those fangs look really sharp. So instead I have to laugh and say "My, grandma, what big teeth you have."

But these dogs totally don't have any sense of humor. They just keep growling at us with their humongous teeth and globs of drool making puddles on the floor. They start coming towards us like we'd make one tasty meal. So we all start backing away real slowly. When me and Casey bump into each other, I can hear him whispering "Shit."

Yup, 'shit.' That pretty much sums it up.

"We can't turn around," Raph growls, grabbing his sai. Oh man, is he serious? "There's too many people."

"Raph…" I don't like this. I really, _really _don't like this ride anymore. Mikey wants off now please.

But there he is, sai drawn and charging into the pack of vicious dogs. They jump up on his plastron and snap their jaws at his neck like they're gonna tear is throat out. _Oh god, they're _gonna_ tear is throat out! _And I really can't fight with this huge ass bomb on my back. So I'm pressed up against the wall practically peeing myself watching Raph and Casey kick and punch and pound these dogs. There's a lot of blood on the floor, but I can't tell whose. Raph smacks one of them down with the pommel of his sai and I'm almost starting to feel bad for the little guys. Yeah, they're trying to kill us, but they don't really want to. That's just all they know.

But my mind changes pretty freakin' quick when one of them breaks free and starts going after me. I scream like a loser and kick the thing in the face. Then all I feel is pain. Lots and lots and lots of pain. The thing's got its teeth sunk into my legs like a big, tasty T-bone steak and that only makes me scream louder. Casey kicks the thing in the side and it lets go, skidding across the floor and smacking into the wall where Raph finishes it off with a yelp. I can't help wincing, even if he did just try to kill me.

"Shit, Mikey, you're bleedin' bad."

"Oh great, thanks Captain Obvious," I groan, trying to limp forward, but it really hurts to walk now. Raph's got his hands covered in my blood and that's just fabulous. He orders Casey down the hall for a lookout and all I can see is his shadow down by the emergency lights. At least it's dark in here, which makes it that much scarier when I spot a bunch of flashlights coming right toward us. Now I can't help thinking about what a jerk Murphy was to make up a law like that.

Casey gives the signal and tries to sort of melt against the wall, but we all know I can't run and I can't hide. Not with this giant bomb strapped to my back and my leg cut open. Now everywhere I go I'm gonna leave a trail of blood behind, and by the sound of those footsteps, I'm not gonna have any time to bandage it. Instead of hiding, Raph slides into a stance and whispers to me "Get outta here. The bomb's all that matters. We'll hold them off."

I feel awful leaving them behind, but I know that's what I have to do. So I shift the weight of the bomb on my shoulders and start limping as fast as I can down the narrow hall.

"Mike, wait!"

I turn to see Raph watching me, tossing me something from a few feet away. I catch it quick—our only communicator—and something sinks in my stomach. The flashlight beams are getting brighter, and I can see the first of the shadows turning down the mouth of the hall. There's a lot of them, and Casey's there, fighting like hell, cracking some guy over the head with a lead pipe while the others are screaming "Intruders!"

I swallow hard, meet my brother's eye like it might be the last time I'll ever see him again.

"Just go! We'll be fine."

I nod and start to turn away before something hits me from before, back at the base, what he said…

"I love you too, bro," I croak, feeling the knot in my throat trying to strangle me before I can get the words out.

"Raph! Could use some help down here!"

Casey's struggling behind us, and the wave of guards is getting bigger. Gunfire starts ricocheting off the metal walls, and I've never been happier that Case traded in his baseball bat for a semi-automatic. There's blood in the air and my head's full of screaming. It's too loud to say anything else. Raph just looks at me for a few seconds before finally turning away, joining the fight, and I move down the hall. Everything get quieter as I move along, and I'm praying to whatever god out there who gives a crap that wasn't the last time I'd ever talk to him again. Somehow every scream that echoes behind me sounds just like him.

"Donny, I got the bomb, but they know we're in. I had to leave Raph and Casey behind."

Something hot is running down my leg and I don't even want to look at the bloodstains I'm leaving like a bread crumb trail.

"It's ok, Mikey. Just keep moving. April's moving in." He has to practically scream at the top of his lungs to cut through the static and sounds of explosions outside that make the floors shake and ceilings make little dust trails from inside. At least I can hear his voice.

But that changes fast. I'm almost at the center of the building when he cuts in again.

"Crap! Mikey, I don't know how much longer I can hold them off. They've taken out two already!"

I know he means the Zords. Those explosions were too big to be anything Don would cook up. "I'm going as fast as I can!" I didn't even realize I was crying until now. Sobbing, actually, holding onto that walkie-talkie for dear life. I'm alone, I'm bleeding, and I know I'm gonna die, so I'm panicking. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my entire life.

Something like an atomic bomb goes off outside, and it's enough to shake the whole building on its foundation. The place is like a boat caught in a bad storm and my stomach rolls over like I'm gonna spew. But I'm too busy grabbing onto the wall when my bad leg gives out and I fall flat on my face. The walkie-talkie gets knocked out of my hand and goes skittering across the floor.

"Mikey! Mikey? Are you okay? Come on… _Mikey_! That was the last Legion! We have to get out of here!"

It takes everything I've got to crawl on my hands and knees across the floor. It's getting harder and harder to ignore the pain pulsing through my leg, but I finally find the walkie and start sobbing to Don on the other end. "Donny, I'm hurt…I don't know…if I set this bomb off, I don't think…I can make it…out in time."

There's a second of nothing but static before he talks again. He's out of breath, and there's more fear in his voice then I've ever heard before. "I'm getting Leo. We'll find you!"

My leg tries giving out on me again when I stand up, but I do it, bracing up against the wall. "No-" I cut myself short with a gasp when I try to take a step, but I clench my teeth and work through it. "No, I can do this. Just…I can do this."

"Mikey, no! I can't let you…Leo and I are coming in. Leo's close. He'll be there in a second. Just stay where you are."

"But Leo doesn't know how to start the bomb. I'm gonna keep moving. I have to."

"April already has most of the prisoners out. Just wait for us! We'll find you!"

"No, Donny, please. I can do this. I have to do this."

"Mikey…"

The second I hear him choke on that sob, I lose it. Still doing my best limping down that metal hallway, crying my eyes out, saying my last goodbyes to my brother. I always said that it was my job to keep everyone's hopes up, that I could never lose it. And I'm not giving it up now. No, that's not going to happen. This is a reason to keep hoping. Doing this… making this choice… it's the best thing I could ever do. I'm not just keeping hope for myself now, I'm giving thousands of people a reason to live, a reason to fight against this.

I'd die a thousand times if I had to.

"I love you, bro," I sob, stumbling forward, my hand against the smooth metal wall. There's tears rolling down my face, streaming down my neck in little rivers until it hits that place where my skin meets my plastron. But I don't care. I lean against the wall with my shoulder so I can hold this walkie-talkie with both hands, because it's the closest thing to holding my brother that I'll ever get. "Donny, I love you. Tell Sensei that too- and Leo, tell Leo I love him."

"Mikey, no…"

I feel like somebody ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I guess I always knew it would turn out this way. I just never knew it would hurt this much. I'm almost at the basement stairs. I know I'll need both hands to drag myself down the steps, so I tuck the walkie in my belt, and try not to think about Don's pleas coming in from the other end. It hurts too bad to listen. Instead, I'm counting my breaths. I'm not so sure how many left I have, so I breathe in slowly, breathe out slowly, listen to every one and hobble down the stairs, taking one at a time into the dark.

That is, until I hear footsteps behind me. I know the trail of blood is gonna give me away, and I know I'm in no shape to hide, or even fight back, so I freeze and watch the massive shadow come closer down the hall. My heart rockets up to my throat, but I'm still counting my breaths.

"L-Leo?"

_Oh please be Leo. Please be Leo…_

"You!"

Nope, not Leo.

That huge voice is almost enough to make me fall the rest of the way down the stairs. _Oh crap. No way. Not him. Oh shit._

When he trudges into the hallway, he takes up the whole space between me and any chance of freedom. My stomachs still doing the Macarena inside me, and the way his voice sounds like thunder _really _makes me want to puke.

"I thought you freaks were dead."

I shrink back against the wall and swallow back the bile in my throat. _Oh man. _"Uh…nope, still alive and kicking last time I checked."

His eyes narrow and he takes a heavy step towards me, rolling up his sleeves. "You think I have patience for this? You think you can just waltz in here, punk? This's _my _turf." He's cracking his knuckles with this horrible grin on his face. When Hun smiles, you know you're in for it. "You're gonna wish you were dead."

In a second he's got me by the throat, slamming my back… or more like the bomb…into the concrete wall. I squeeze my eyes shut when my head snaps back, ready to get blown to itty bitty turtle bits. But the one lucky thing out of everything that's happened tonight is that the thing didn't go off—like that would make much of a difference now anyways.

"Dude, I _really_ wouldn't do that," I croak, trying to catch my breath, but that's really, really hard with his giant hand around my neck like a freaking bear trap.

"What are you doing here, freak?"

Either it's the blood or major lack of air supply that's making me light headed, but I feel like the second he lets go of me I'm gonna collapse and fall down the stairs. I'm grabbing onto his wrist more to keep myself from falling than to pry him off. But when he asks me what I'm doing, I can't help grinning right in his stupid face.

"Oh, just thought it was a nice day for a stroll."

My laugh comes out more like a wheeze. That joked sucked ass, but watching his face change made it so worth it. I can only laugh more when he slams me into the wall again. It makes my vision go white for a second, and I _really _want to throw up, but I don't.

"Those are your Legions. Don't make me ask you again!"

I roll my eyes at him and let out this annoyed sigh like Raph does every time I cracked a stupid joke. "Okay, you want a hint? This thing strapped to my back isn't just a fashion statement."

His eyes are pretty blank until he figures out what I mean and he snaps his hand away like it burns. I grab onto the metal railing when I collapse back on the stairs. Even after I steady myself I'm too dizzy to let go.

He just watches me with so much hate in his eyes it's ridiculous. "You…"

"Yep, me. I have enough explosives here to blow you to the moon, sweet cheeks."

Now, without his hand around my neck, I'm really laughing at him. The look on his face is priceless. Not only did I scare him speechless, but I pissed him off more than I've ever seen, all in one shot. But hey, if I'm gonna die in a second or two, I might as well make the most of it.

We just stare at each other for a second. He's just glaring at me and I'm just waiting for my stomach to stop doing back flips. I just want to go to sleep…Yeah, that would be nice.

I don't realize how hard I'm leaning against the railing before I hear more footsteps coming down the hall. All I can do is groan and take a few backwards steps down the stairs. Hun's still glaring at me like he doesn't know what to do with himself.

"Halt! Intruders!"

_Oh. Shit. _I know that voice. I _know _that voice!

"Karai," he spits real low like a growl. Pretty much answers my question.

She shows up in the doorway with a pack of dudes dressed in black behind her—Foot ninja, the real deal—and I feel my stomach shift again. I'm losing too much blood. I can feel it still running down my leg, making the stairs slippery and my head swim.

"Stop! It has a bomb!" He growls again.

"What?!" She hisses, freezing at the mouth of the hall with her back-up stopping behind. Hun turns to face her and starts yelling.

"The freaks live! You lied to us, _Karai_."

"I did no such thing!" She seethes. I can hear the venom in her voice.

"He would kill you for treason, two-faced bitch!"

"And I would kill you for your insolence!"

I'm pretty much just sitting back watching the show and trying not to black out when Don's voice comes in over the walkie. "Mikey, Leo says he's almost there! Mikey? Mikey!"

Everything turns cold the second she pushes past Hun and glares at me.

Then, she draws out her tanto and I see every bit of our so-called 'genius plan' run down the drain. She's onto me. She knows I can't detonate this thing fast, or I woulda done it already. Man, Donny, you really suck right now. He's trying so hard to be so safe, but he ends up screwing me over in the end.

"Where is Leonardo?"

"I…I don't know," I choke. Really, I don't. Don said he was coming in to find me, but that's all I know.

"You even _dare _to show your face on the surface, never less attack this compound! You will pay for your foolishness!" Her eyes practically glow in the dark when she charges for me. But I don't flinch. All I can do is try to stay upright and be really, really scared. She presses that blade against my already sore throat, her voice only a whisper now. "I know he is here. Tell me!"

"I said I don't know!" I'm crying again, and that comes out more like a sob. I've got my shell pressed to the railing, both hands grabbing on for dear life 'cause I feel like I'm gonna pass out any second. But she's probably gonna slit my throat before I get a chance to.

That is, until my knight in shining armor shows up, and I feel like I should swoon like a damsel in distress. Yes, swoon, when I hear my big brother's voice coming from the shadows. He steps out into the open, covered head to toe in blood so thick all I can see is his eyes and his swords.

Damn.

"Karai! Your fight is with me, not him."

"You even _dare _show your faces!" She repeats, sword flashing in what light there's left in the pitch black hallway. She charges for Leo, leaving me alone. Predictable as always.

I stand there frozen for a second, watching my big brother dodge a swipe at his throat from her tanto before he finally brings me back to reality again. "Mikey, go!"

I almost fall down the stairs for the millionth time in five minutes when I remember exactly why I'm here in the first place. I know what I gotta do.

My head's swimming so bad I can barely see straight as I make my way down the stairs, step by step. At least my leg doesn't hurt too bad anymore, but it's getting really cold in here. I know I've lost a lot of blood.

But I don't have time to think of that. I hear Hun chasing me down the stairs like the giant boulder from Indiana Jones. My heart's in my throat and I'm running as fast as I can, slipping off the pack and grabbing my walkie at the same time.

"Donny! Donny, now! Go, start the thing!"

But all I hear is "…almost there." from the other end of the line before something ridiculously hard crushes into the side of my head. I go flying off the last of the stairs, losing the bomb as I go, and smack hard into the wall.

All I can do is blink at him from my heap on the floor. I can't get up. I know I can't. He's walking towards me with that same smile he had before, but it's quiet. I can hear the fight still going overhead, the sound of bombs and gunfire ripping the place apart, and Don's voice. The walkie landed a good ten feet away from me, but I can hear him still. What he says next makes my guts freeze over.

"Mike…the ignition's been overridden. You need to get out of there!"

"…I can't," I croak, but I know he can't hear me. I don't take my eyes away from Hun's while he looms like a raincloud, but I'm reaching out… "Donny…"

But I'm so tired…and it's so cold…

"Mikey!"

"_Leo?"_

"_Mikey," he whispers, real close to my face. I can feel his warm breath against my cheek. "Why would you do this to yourself?"_

I blink up at the voice. The cold night melts away, the trees in the wind, Leo's arms around my shoulders. Everything's running in slow motion, all the bombs, the gunshots, the screams, the sound of metal against metal. It still pierces through. But I see Hun, like a shadow, looming overhead.

_It almost hurts to look at him, but I do it, just one eye peeking out from over my arm. My face is wet and the wind turns it so cold. "I guess…don't want…to be alone."_

I gasp for breath like someone dumped a bucket of cold water on me. Someone's smashed Hun over the head with a lead pipe. The sound of him hitting the floor like a sack of meat is enough to drag me back. But my vision isn't clear.

"Get him out of here!"

"Donny?"

But it's Casey I see next, scraping me off the floor and slugging my arm around his neck. "Let's go."

Now I'm up, but I don't want to move. Donny's kneeling by where the bomb landed on the floor. He's panicking. I know he is. He said… the ignition. It's gonna go off.

"Donny!" I scream it with every ounce of strength and breath I got left. I know what he's doing. I know what he's…

"Mikey! Get out of here! I'll try to buy you guys some time!"

He's not thinking…He's…_How can he be so selfish?! How could he do this to me?!_

But Casey's practically dragging me up the stairs, leaving Donny behind with the bomb. I'm too weak to fight him. I can't…

"Don't leave me alone!" I sob. Nothing's gonna stop me! Nothing's gonna…

Halfway up the stairs he stops and everything stands still. He just…looks at me from over that ticking bomb and mouths the words "I have to."

I go silent, but the tears keep coming. Casey gets me up the stairs, but I never take my eyes off of him until the dark swallows him whole.

Upstairs the battle's still raging. Leo's taken out the last of the ninja, save for Karai. They're still going at it, swords flashing. Leo's stalling. I know he is. He watches us leave out of the corner of his eye. But there's something wrong about it.

That's when everything goes to hell.

The noise is skull-crushing, and everything goes silent. Just a ring like someone flatlining. Light. The dark turns to day. Everyone freezes. Silent like when the city's covered in new snow. I breathe once…twice…We turn and see the wall of fire rolling up the stairs. Heat. I try to scream, but nothing comes out. The whole room is collapsing around us and we're thrown back, smack my head against something hard and just watch the ceiling come apart. It falls. I close my eyes and don't open them again.


End file.
